Things aren't always what they seem

So in my last post I mentioned some excitement about taking wedding gifts out of the attic.  These things have been sitting up there for 3 years waiting to be rediscovered.    Well today was the day.  I was quite enthusiastic and began by getting out tableware and flatware so I could wash it and put it away.  My flatware is a 65 piece set that has 12 of each: knives, dinner forks, salad forks, and spoons.   And then the basic serving utensils.  I began by opening the box containing the knives and proceeded with the dinner and salad forks putting all of them in the dishwasher.  But as I went to open the box of spoons what did I find??? MORE forks!

Ahhh....talk about disappointment and frustration.   I started thinking about how or if it was possible to return them after 3 whole years.  I mean, what am I going to do with 48 FORKS and ZERO spoons?!  I have the proof of purchase sticker since it was a wedding gift, but unfortunately the store doesn't even carry this style of flatware anymore.  At this point I have put everything back in the box, and I will make a trip to the store to plead with them to exchange my flatware.  But oh what a pain!

I guess I'll find out soon enough just how good this store's return policy is.

Lots of updates

Life has been full speed ahead the past few months.  The job has been going well, and I've added a second part-time job.  But its the work at home that keeps us busy.  Ever since we found out I was pregnant we've been on a mission to finish remodeling the first floor of our house.

We've been sanding and refinishing hardwood floors, patching walls, installing trim, priming, painting, building cabinets, staining cabinets, installing cabinets and the list goes on.  I can't wait until it is all finished considering the level of stress it brings to have the house in constant disarray and to feel like all extra time is dedicated to working on the house.  Needless to say, we need a break.

Our hope is that by next week the major tasks will be complete.  And I'm thinking that for the first time since we married I'll be able to take many of our wedding gifts out of the attic and actually use them.

I'll post "after" pictures when it's all said and done.        

Job

Did I mention I have a job?

It's been tough for me to find a job over the last year. But thanks to a friend and former co-worker I started a very part-time job a few months back. I'm very happy and feel blessed to be in the position because it truly makes me realize how much I enjoy working with and supporting others.

And the short version of what I do? I provide support for the mentors and mentees of a mentoring program. It's not straight up social work, but it is giving me some experience that I didn't previously have. For instance, I have the opportunity to do home visits. I never did that as part of my practicum.

what's worse

I don't know what's worse. Extreme heat, dry, wilting plants and sweaty all over or thundershowers to cool things off, which ultimately floods the basement and leaves you without hot water.

Lost

Have you noticed the lack of posting? I don't consider myself an exceptionally great writer and therefore blogger (though I probably underestimate myself. I've been known to do that a lot). I used to keep a journal from the time I was in high school and through college, but writing in a journal was very different than blogging. I never expected anyone to read my journal, but the pressure to speak to an audience leaves me frozen.

And then, I have not decided what this blog should contain. And gosh that doesn't help because then I haven't given myself boundaries and thus freedom to write. I know. It sounds strange. But when I have perimeters then it actually frees me to run around within the perimeters and do whatever I know I can. Its like having a compass and with that compass I feel free to explore because I have some point of reference.

Anyway, reader, what suggestions might you have or references on blogging that might help me find direction?

Sincerely,

Lost

Allergy

I've never been known to be allergic to anything. Now I think I am. I've had hives on my body for two days now. I'm ready for them to leave me alone. And of course I've considered all the possible culprits and am trying to eliminate them but really nothing seems to make sense. Sigh.

Remodel Semi-Stalled

So the remodeling of the 1st floor bathroom is not officially complete. It has been stalled because trim needs to be put up before the last coat of paint can go on and the mirror, towel rods, and wall cabinet can be installed. But below are very similar shots as what I previously posted to give a idea of how the project has come along.

Notice the yellow glue has been replaced with tile and a finished wall

This is the closest this bathroom has come to being complete. The sides of the sink cabinet had veneer that was not in the best shape for me to refinish. So instead I put a metal panel that you would place on the wall behind your stove to protect it from food/oil splatter. Originally I went looking for stainless steel panels but after pricing them and seeing the other color choices, the "almond" panel looked like a perfect fit. AND it protects the cabinet from water and further warping.

Another view of the cabinet and toilet. Even the toilet looks like it got a facelift. Even if you wanted to, you couldn't imagine how dirty it was.

So for now we have moved on to the kitchen. The walls have been primed, the ceiling painted and the floor is in the process of being laid. The only significant construction in the kitchen will be to transform the pantry into a refrigerator nook and bedroom closest to allow more space.

Here's a "before" picture. Note the grease on the wall and ceiling above the stove.

Growing

Last year I decided to buy some flowers at the local hardware store to plant in our rediculously naked flower bed in front of our house (pictured above). To my knowledge nothing has really ever grown there before I came along, with the exception of a cherry tomato plant, rose bushes that were diseased and tulips in the spring. I bought a whole24 flat of marigolds (an annual I've loved since I was akid) and a few geraniums to fill it up and give our poor brown spot some life. Well the marigolds loved it because I had never seen any grow as big as these. I guess that soil was ready to give something life...and a big life at that.

This year, since I have not found a job and I was well beyond stir crazy by March, I decided to go a little farther with the gardening. I started my own seedlings in the house andlots of them. I began with more than enough Roma tomato plants. In spanish we call them jitomates, and they are a staple in Mexican cooking so I don't worry about having too many because I can always use them and so can family that lives with and near us. I've also planted Jalapeños and cilantro. And for flowers I have Zinnias, marigolds, Impatiens and one other flower that I don't know what it is but came from some seeds I saved from last years flowers!!

For now they are all growing nicely in their little pots but I can't wait until it's time to get them outside and fill the bed in front AND the planters in back.

I've never been so excited to see something grow. It's nice to preoccupy my mind with something other than the job search and house remodeling (though the job search is not going so bad either).

Remodeling

It seems that just as the seasons change so does our motivation (and the availability of money). As spring is slowly moving in so is the remodeling bug. We began at least 2 weeks ago to remodel the first floor bathroom. I really wish I had a true "before" picture because this bathroom was hideous but here are a couple of the first pictures. There was not a single light in the bathroom. The only light was a small lamp plugged into the wall and sitting over the toilet. And this theme of lack of light continues throughout the first floor. But I digress. So the bathroom's ceiling was collapsing due to a leak in our tub above. The walls had plastic tiles that were falling off to reveal an old yellowing glue (seen above). The other half of the wall was covered in mildew ridden wallpaper. The plastic tub surround was yellow and cracked and then duct-taped. And the horrible image goes on.

But as of today, the walls have been mudded, sanded, and primed, tile has been laid for the tub and shower surround, and 2 lights have been installed as well as a much needed bath fan (refer to mildew walls and wallpaper). But we're really only half way there. We have the floor, cabinet/sink, walls, and bath fixtures to finish. We've taken up 2 layers of linoleum and still have to take up the hardwood that was below all of that because it is half rotted from water leakage and because we will be laying tile and need the surface between the bathroom floor and hallway floor to be level.

I've also been working on refinishing cabinets for the bathroom. We found them on Craigs list and actually the sink cabinet is exactly the same style as what was already there but the condition is much better. And for $30 and a little elbow grease, it's a steal.

So the work continues. I'll surely update with final photos when its complete.

Music for the soul

I first heard Carrie Newcomer when I worked for a retreat center. Her song "I Heard an Owl" was on one of our reflection cds. To this day I am moved by that song, but I have also since discovered many more of her moving songs. Here is one that I dedicate to my Godfather who recently lost a long battle with cancer.

Thoroughly Disturbed

So I cannot fall asleep because of an incident that happened earlier tonight that will not leave my mind at peace. Earlier this evening the DH and I decided to take the dogs for a walk in the park. We put them in his truck and rode over to the park for the walk. Everything went well and the dogs were quite happy. When we came back home we entered the alley behind our house because it is easier to get the dogs in the yard through the back gate than the front gate. The DH also dropped me off at the back gate to go inside the house. Well I went in the house and waited for him to pull his truck around to the street and park. It usually takes a little while in the evenings because it can be difficult to find parking. So as usual I thought his tardiness was due to lack of available parking. Not so!

He came in the house and said he was stopped by the undercover/detective police at the end of the alley. They made him get out of the truck while they searched it and barraged him with questions from "why do you have Indiana license plates?" to "Who is that in the car behind you?" and "Why were you driving through the alley so many times?" Of course my DH did not want to make waves so he innocently answered the questions and let them search his truck.

So why am I thoroughly disturbed? Because I feel my DH's rights were violated. He did nothing wrong and these officers had no reasonable cause to search him or his truck. But this is what happens to so many innocent people around here and throughout our country. They feel they can't say, "no".

The Learning Continues

Today, I woke up and decided I was going to prepare a space in our house to take a "Christmas" photo of the DH and I. Well, it turned into something much more. I decided to set up a makeshift photo studio with lamps and sheets. I bothered the DH several times to be my subject so I could get the lighting just right. I searched the internet for a few ideas too. Eventually, I was ambitious enough to ask the sister in law to come with her family to have a picture taken. But in the end I was lucky enough to take pictures of three different families. All relatives who came to visit and were happy to be my photography subjects.

So here they are. Some are a bit blurry. I need my tripod, but its about 350 miles away at the moment. I guess it'll have to wait.

ArtPrize

This week I went to Grand Rapids, Michigan to visit friends and check out GR's new event, ArtPrize. Apparently this is the city's second year holding the event and it was AMAZING. Artists from all over the world can enter their artwork in the contest and have it displayed at one of the various venues throughout the downtown GR area. Another cool catch is anyone who comes to see the art can register to vote on the pieces they like most. After the first week the 10 pieces with the most votes will then be voted on for top prize. What an great way to involve the people.

But really, it felt like such a breath of fresh air to see so much beautiful art displayed. I was inspired by many and captivated by others. My friend's mother in law even contributed a piece of her art, as did a cousin. So that means I'm starting to get ideas. Maybe next year I could contribute something for the sake of displaying some of my own work. I'll have to think more on that idea but its not beyond me.

I absolutely recommend checking out the website to see some of the art and their descriptions as well as the top 10 picks.

Photos

So I finally purchased my first digital camera. Yes. That's correct. My first digital camera. I went back and forth about whether I was ready for a DSLR to begin really tuning my photography skills or if I just really wanted a plain old point and shoot camera so I could enjoy the everyday moments of life without having to lug around and whip out the big one. I decided for right now smaller is better.

So I went with a Sony Cyber Shot. Its got lots of great features on it including an optical zoom of 10x. The zoom was a must for me. Yes I wanted a small point and shoot camera but I wanted something a little more versatile. So far the camera is doing great. Granted it can't do everything. But for a little point and shoot camera I'm happy. I've been taking panoramic, videos, snapshots here and there. I can't wait for more events to pull it out and test it out.

Here are a few shots I've taken since I've begun playing with it.

Dreams

The DH and I frequently dream about where we would like to be and what we would like to have around us in 5 years. Currently I think our situation is less than ideal but we make it work nonetheless. But some days are just plain hard and stressful when you know the time and energy you put into living is just much more than its worth.

So some of our dreams are...

To buy a piece of land- a few acres outside of the city, but not in the middle of suburbia either

Grow some of our own food without dealing with pesticides, etc

Chickens and maybe a horse or two- the DH insists we must have chickens which makes me glad he at least grew up with them and knows exactly what to do because it will surely be a learning process for me. And horses are a love and hobby of my DH, but that might be in the 10 year dream!

Build our own small home on that piece of land and use reclaimed materials. I never liked the feel of brand new homes. The character of older, worn materials attracts me and maybe just reminds me of my childhood.

The list goes on but those are just a few of the more frequently discussed. I look forward to making the dream a reality, little by little.

Finding the creative energy within

Its been a long time since I've posted anything. I admit I'd like to create perfect little blurbs about the workings of my mind, but the truth is I just don't find myself being creative in writing (I must have missed that class in high school, just like I missed speech. Public speaking makes my body go limp). I would not say I couldn't do it if I put my mind to it, but if I'm not feeling it then what's the point? But the creative outlet I do find myself enjoying immensely is photography. Ever since I was in high school I wanted to get into photography. I even convinced my parents to help me buy a nice camera at that time. I started taking a class at a photography store but quickly found myself lost in the technical terminology that I was not ready for. I wanted the basics to taking good pictures, eventually I would learn the technical stuff along the way. So what happened? I slowly abandoned that endeavor. It lay dormant beneath all the other interests that had taken priority for the moment. However, gradually my interest has been piqued again and here I am, without a digital camera (apparently I missed the fact that we're in the 21st century or maybe I just haven't been able to afford the one I really want?) attempting to learn the basics. So far I'm content with my progress. I've started a photo blog and I've actually been taking photographs. It makes my heart smile.

Photography is how I can express myself without using words. Its a way of looking, seeing, and capturing what is right in front of us. It allows the details to be seen that might otherwise be overlooked. It captures the essence of that thing. It captures the beauty that some at first glance might think is ugly. Photography captures a piece of life in a single shot. The more photos you take the pieces come together. So I'll keep taking photos.

Yard Work

Today was a good day. We got our new fence in the backyard. Though it would be nice to not have a privacy fence, these days it seems inevitable with our forever barking dogs who dislike the neighbor's drunk friends. We don't exactly care for the drinking or the noise produced by our neighbors either. Eventually one can only handle so much "community". When dogs and drunk people do not mix you know you need privacy otherwise an accident is waiting to happen.

A perk to having the privacy fence is the ability to make it look like our own little haven in the midst of chaos. I'm excited to think of planting a small tree, some flowers, grass (our backyard currently consists of lots of concrete), maybe one day a garden too.

We'll see how we progress.

Purging

This last week I finally had some motivation to set foot in the attic. My attic is like the black hole that swallows you alive if you enter it because of all the stuff everywhere (I'm being nice by calling it stuff). We've been needing to clear it out as much as possible in order to continue our renovation project on the house. So I pulled out boxes one by one and went through them to determine what of my stuff might still be of use or sentiment to me. It was nostalgic to look through things I had not seen in over a year since I moved. And it was freeing to toss out many other things that I really had no use for anymore. But that was only the beginning as I could only carry a few boxes because others were just too heavy to get down the stairs alone.

But thankfully my parents came into town this past weekend and my husband and I with their help went through everything! Unbelievably you can see the floor in more than 2/3rds of the attic. We had all the piles going: trash, recycle, sell/charity, keep. And without too much thought, because if you think too much you decide you still need everything you really don't, we purged quite a bit of material baggage.

I still have the keep piles and sell/charity piles in the house, but soon they will have a new place and I look forward to it.

But much to my surprise the attic wasn't the only place we cleared and cleaned. After my parents had already left for their journey home, the DH decided the garage needed to be cleaned out. One could not imagine my excitement at this decision. So I happily helped him clean what is primarily his space in the garage.

And all I do now is take a deep breath in relief. Renovation will continue AND surprise! my dad offered to come and do all the electricity in the living room, kitchen, dining room, etc..

And finally the cars fit nicely in the garage!

We're talking about the Narrative approach to family therapy. Basically it means listening to the person's story of how they made it to where they are and listening for the meaning they give to their story. I appreciate this model of therapy because everyone has a story and everyone finds different meaning in their story. The challenge is helping the person find meaning that is strengthening and self-supporting versus debilitating. How often do we put negative meaning on our experiences? How often do others put negative meaning on our experience for us? And how often do we see our story as strengthening and fueling us to move forward?

Lately I've been negatively framing my experience. I was visiting a friend in Memphis and listening to how passionate he was about what he was doing. It reminded me how I've not been passionate lately about anything. And I attribute it to the meaning I've placed on my experiences. My friend looked at the challenges he faced and built strengthening thoughts and ideas around them. I have built a path up to them and then allowed those challenges to stand before me like never-ending walls that could not be passed.

And it brings me to a quote I heard this past weekend when I was at the National Museum of Civil Rights. "Freedom is not a choice, it is an internal demand." Now it seems so simple a phrase. But when I heard it I felt empowered. It truly is an internal demand. Yet we are made to believe by others and ourselves that we cannot be free, that we must be bound by so many things. And this is where I think freedom can mean whatever one needs it to mean.

For me I'm not completely sure yet what I'm allowing to keep me bound up, but I hope in thinking about my story and praying about it too I can begin to see and hear the meaning I have given it and create new meaning that leads me forward and strengthens me.

dichotomies

How does one avoid dichotomous organization of experience and thought?